“So shiira, what is your plan?” i asked her casually
“First we need to look at the book” she answered with slight panic expression
“Oh yeah, I almost forgot the book!” so i grabbed the book and gave it to her “here, sorry for keeping it….and also…. Sorry for opening it without your consent shiira-san” i said it while lowering my head, scared of her reaction as i said that….
“As i thought, you really opens it”
“Huh?, you knew?”
“No, not until know”
“What? Are you not mad shiira?”
“I Am mad, but what's in the past already happened and we can't fix it can we?”
“I'm sorry…..but why though? Why do you seem so concerned about it? There's nothing inside the diary after all”
“No, there is haru, look”
As I look into the diary that Shiira held, there's a handwritten story complete with doodle-like illustrations, and I am shocked, because there's nothing back then…
“What…..it can't be, i am a hundred percent sure there were nothing, the papers were empty throughout the diary”
“I think that's the ability of this book to keep its secret, I warn you not to open it because I don't know the consequences yet, but now I know.”
“What is it?”
“When you open the book, what do you see?”
“I don't see anything, its just empty, and i fell asleep and the next morning you were missing, and i asked everyone including sensei about you, but all of them doesn't remember anything, its as if you were never existed before”
“And then?”
“Then sensei told me a story about the girl that kidnaped, raped and killed, but never told me who it was, the rumour said that she is the new freshman of this year same as us, and i thought it was you…”
…
………
………..
There's a long awkward silence
“Shiira san, what do you know? Do you remember anything?”
“i-i-i can't remember anything”
“Its okay shiira you don't have to push yourself”
“Look here haru, this diary is my personal diary, im suffered from short term memory loss, my parent said that i accidentally fell from high ground when i was a child, and someday when i was asleep, i dream about someone, someone that gave me this diary, and when i wake up the diary was right besides my bed, that person told me to write down any memorable memories so that i won't forget it, and that person also said that i can't show this to anyone, because there's a consequences for me and him”
So that's why the diary was really important for her then, i felt really sorry for her.
“So what did you write then?”
“I didn't write anything that happened in real life, I wrote my dream, my dream with that person, that person came to my dream and made memories with me, from teaching a lesson to playing games and just chatting, but….”
“But?” as i asked that, i saw shiira eyes were teary as if she's about to burst into tears
“But….i can't remember at all, I can remember who is that person….what is that person doing, why….why can't I remember anything, WHY?!”
She burst into tears just after saying that
“Shiira...relax, do you remember what that person looks like?”
“No...i can't haru, even though i ought to draw his face on this diary, it's just an abstract face, even though i met that person every night, but it's like chasing a shadow…”
….
…….
……...
“And then that happened”
“What? What happened shiira?” her pupils dilated like a ballon as i asked that question
“Haru...the rumour was true…,”
“What? What rumour?!”
“The girl that was kidnapped , raped and killed… i think that girl was me…”
“Don't joke around with me shiira, then who am i talking to right now? A ghost?”
………
………..
………….
“Shiira san, you're not a ghost right?” i'm starting to doubt my own sanity
“What time is today haru? Where is the calendar”
“Its 2021 now, but my ‘present’ self prefer 2019”
“No way…”
“What shiira?”
“I remember that because I didn't have a friend back in my junior highschool I would have gone home alone, and I was kidnapped on my way home, but I don't remember the rest of it….”
“Then why are you here? Aren't you supposed to be in heaven? Stop with the jokes, i'm tired of being deceived by reality”
“i ...dont know…”
Even shiira doesn't know what happened, im sure it has to be her short term memory loss affecting her perception about reality.
“Anyway shiira, we have to figure it out now or never, i don't want to waste anymore time in this fake reality”
“......”
She suddenly became so quiet, I'm concerned. But our silence was broken by the loud ringtone coming from my phone, and it was my mom
“Hello, mom?”
“DON'T YOU HELLO ME, WHERE ARE YOU RIGHT NOW!”
“Im at home, please calm down, what happened?”
“Really?!, ditching class as you like? What are you now, a delinquent?”
Oh frick, I forgot that we ditched our class….
“I--i--im sorry mom, there's something i forgot, yeah i--i forgot to turn off the air conditioner!, it would be bad if the AC were turned on all the time right mom?”
“Don't joke around with me, i checked everything before going to work, AC, stove and washing machine, everything was turned off. You better have another reason before I get home and whoop your arse son!”
And there goes my arse, i can't come up with other reason, but suddenly shiira came up close to the phone
“U-um Mrs.haru, i'm sorry, but i am the one that insists…”
“Wha-- who is this?”
“Aa-aah mom there's nothing to worry about! I'm heading back to school!, See you!”
“Wha--oi!” beep--beep--beep
Whoa, what a rollercoaster…..
“Shiira...you can't just do that…”
“But then you'll be in trouble…”
Well I'M in trouble right now
“Anyway, we have to get back to school, i think everyone is worried about us especially sensei, because we just went off without permission”
“Haru…”
“Yeah?”
“N-n-nothing…”
So after that we just spent like 2 hours in my house and went back to school. It's the first time for me to walk together with Shiira san. Before this i just looked at her from behind, im kinda happy.
…...
When we arrived at our class everyone asked where did i go, i just told them that i forgot something at home and luckily they seem to believe it. Shiira sat on her table, now that's what i call normal, no more missing girl.
“Haru, sensei wants to meet you” said honoka the class rep
“Alrighttt” i bet my weekly allowance that he would scold me for 10 minutes straight
….
….
“Good afternoon sensei, how can I help?”
“Don't ‘how can i help” me haru, where have you been?”
“I forgot to turn off the AC in my room so i just went back to turn it off, and while at it I just played games for a while because I couldn't attend PE class, and I felt so bored in the classroom sensei….”
“Is that all?”
“Yeah…”
“Okay you may go to your class now, but i will asked you more question regarding to you delinquencies behavior”
“Thank you sensei”
And after that i went back to my class, and to my surprise, shiira was not there, she's gone.
“Again? Come on”
“Honoka, do you see where shiira san is going?”
“Shiira? Who?”
“What? The girl that just sat there, she's gone now, do you know where she's going?
“That chair is always empty haru… I don't pay much attention to it. I'm sorry…”
What? Not this bullcrap again, I asked throughout class and everyone seemed on the same page, they did not see nor remember shiira… I want to go to search for her throughout school, but the bell is ringing, and the class is about to start...but if i don't find her now, I might never find her and the answer to all this...aaah screw this! This is just fake reality after all!So I ran through every hallway and peeked into every classroom and every room that I could enter, the park, the field, the classroom, she's nowhere to be found...think haru, think, where is she? There is one more place that I have not entered yet. And that's the female restroom…..may god forgive me for what i'm about to do…
With full of hesitation, i took a first step to the female restroom
“Shiira, are you here?, answer me” I speak slowly, i'm afraid that there's actually someone using the restroom. I didn't get any response, but heard faint cries coming from one of the stalls. And without thinking twice I approached that stall and asked “shiira san? Are you in there”
……
………
…………
“Shiira san what happened?”
…….
“Let's discuss this together shiira, we can solve it together, i promised”
And then the stall opens up, and there she is, drowned in tears after crying out loud…
“Shiira, i don't know what's in your mind if you don't tell me, remember, both of us are trying to get out from this fake reality right?”
“Haru, i am a ghost”
“What?”
“I Am the girl that was kidnapped, raped and killed haru, don't you get that?!”
“Why are you saying this? Shiira!”
“I'm invisible, no one can see me except you, no one remembers me except you, no one knows me except you, isn't that weird haru?”
“What?, but you just sit in the class, at your usual place”
“Yes, but no one approached me, and while you were gone to sensei’s office, i tried to communicate to our classmates, and they all ignored me, as if im not present…”
“What? Even honoka?”
“Yes haru, don't you get it already?, im dead. I'm just your hallucination or something”
“No no, that can be, we are still alive, we are just trapped in the future, in this fake reality, we can solved this shiira, calm down”
“How dense will you be haru, I AM DEAD, i also didn't want that reality, but it is my reality”
“NO YOU ARE NOT” i shouted wil grasping her shoulder thightly, and holding back my tears
“Shiira, please don't say that again, you're not dead, we are trapped here, and we will return, i promise….and promise me that you will not forget me, and don't run away again shiira, can you promise me?”
…
…….
………
Both of us cried, we just can't handle the reality, the reality that shiira can not be seen nor remembered by anyone. After a while, i asked shiira to come back to class, even though anyone couldn't see her, at least i could.
“Shiira, let's get back to our class ok? And think about this after that”
She nods and agrees, so we get back to the class, and the class has already started, so I was grounded and I need to write a letter of apology with a minimum of 2 pages of A4 papers.
The class goes on as usual, but now with shiira in it, i don't know why, but it makes me happy a little.
….
……
………
But the ghost theory still lingers in my brain, and i cant get it off of my head just like that. If what shiira said is true, and she is indeed a ghost, why is it only me? Do i have any sort of spiritual skills to do that? Even if that is the case, why is it only shiira san? Who is she to me?
….
…...
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